We often take routines for granted. They are something we do on a daily basis and when we need to shake things up a bit we like alter said routines for a sense of change. But what happens when our routines are changed due to a loss of someone or something important. How do we deal with what some would call mundane tasks.
It's something that I am having a hard time dealing with since we decided to put our dog Buddy to sleep. Buddy was a part of our lives for almost 11 years and part of our kids' entire lives. Something as simple as sitting in the living room could be punctuated with the jingle of the tags of his collar as he moved around the apartment, to his chasing the cats around to his placing his head on my lap as I sat in my chair. I mean waking up is weird since Buddy slept on my side of the bed and I always had to be wary about stepping on him. So you can imagine how eerily quiet the apartment is without the big lug making his usual racket.
I know that things like losing a dog or a cat to a disease or illness is part of the experience of having an animal companion. But no matter how much you plan for the inevitable, we're creatures of habit and are used to having our faithful and unconditional companions by our sides day in and day out. Even though Brigette and I had the discussion a few days earlier, I guess I just never thought that I would have to be the one to make the final decision on Buddy so soon.
I know he is at rest. Part of me is relieved for him and grateful that he is at rest since I know that at least for the last week Buddy was not himself. The symptoms of anemia that he was exhibiting made him a shell of his former energetic self. Had that been the only issue, but there were many underlying issues such as many lumps that seemed to be growing over his whole body including the massive lump that was lanced in December which refilled and became even bigger than the original in a matter of a week early this month. Add that to the swollen right paw, the edema of the chest that he developed and the very blood filled urine that he expelled while at the vet dispelled any doubts that I may have been feeling in my decision to give my Buddy some peace from the undoubted pain that he was silently suffering. I know some people have said and will say that I made the right decision. And I know that in the long run that I have made the right decision. But its hard to feel that way after spending his final moments with him, watching him close his eyes and take his final breaths and seeing him lay peacefully. It's an image that I'll have burned in my mind for the rest of my life.
I can only speak for myself but I find that things for me will never be the same. I know that at sometime down the road something obvious will remind me of Buddy. There will be a sound, a scent, an action or just a quiet moment that will remind me of my departed companion. It hurts, I smile, I frown, I laugh and I cry.
A friend posted a picture with a poem on my Facebook page that read as such:
He is your friend, your partner
your defender, he is your dog.
You are his life, his love,
his leader. He will be yours,
faithful and true, to the
last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be
worthy of such devotion.
- Author Unknown
Buddy, you were that and more to me. You weren't just the family pet. You were like one of my kids. The oldest of my kids. You tried my patience like the kids do and made my blood boil but the love and happiness you gave me, the devotion of standing by the window as I approached the front gate and the wagging of the tail no matter the time of day when I came through the door is something that I will always cherish and miss from here on out. I mean I could have been gone for 5 minutes and you acted as if I was gone for days with the homecoming reception I got from you.
It was awesome!!!!
I hope that I was able to give you all that you gave to me and then some. I hope that I was able to give you a life benefiting that of such a loving companion as you were to me. Thank you for always being a loyal companion to Nene and Gaby. Always showing patience when dealing with first infants, then toddlers and now children. Thank you for keeping momma on her toes, always letting her know who the boss was when I was around and showing her the proper love when I wasn't. I celebrate you with a sad, empty and painful heart and soul knowing that one day, wherever I end up after my days on this world you'll be waiting for me as wagging your tail. Until then, I will try to remember the good times we had. By the way, please don't swipe too many sandwiches off the counter. We wouldn't want you to get into anymore trouble than you already get yourself in.
Love you with all of my heart. Thank you for everything.
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