Friday, February 7, 2014

Yet Again Another African Email Scam

It's been a while since I've posted anything here and decided to do so with one of my favorite kinds of scam emails. I find it amazing that people actually fall for some of these. The thought of having millions deposited to your account at a time of desperation must be hard to dispel. Though for this one I have to admit that the person writing it is actually doing some research though their lack of grammar is a dead give away. The insertion of the link to the CNN article from 2008 about plane crash that took the lives of four people including a member of the Cabinet of the President of Kenya and his assistant is a nice touch in an attempt to lend some credibility to the scam. Here is the text of the email I received:
Dear,

My name is Cynthia Kipkalya Kones,
I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. With due respect,trust and umanity, i appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter, I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country so i feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, i will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you, i decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation, My name is Miss.Cynthia Kipkalya Kones, 21yrs old female and I held from Kenya in East Africa. My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya. The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th June 2008.

You can read more about the crash through the below site: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya.crash/index.html

After the burial of my father, my stepmother and uncle conspired and sold my father's property to an Italian Expert rate which they shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me. I am constrained to contact you because of the abuse I am receiving from my wicked stepmother and uncle. They planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile i wanted to escape to the USA but they hide away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents. Luckily they did not discover where i kept my fathers File which contains important documents. So I decided to run to the refugee camp where i am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in Ouagadougou, Republic of Burkina Faso.

One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he has deposited huge amount of money in bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction/will to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas. I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister.

Although, you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convince me that you may be the true person to help me. More so, my father of blessed memory deposited the sum of ($8,500.000.00 USD) Dollars in Bank with my name as the next of kin. However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and statement of the fund in your country. As you will help me in an investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my 1year in the university when my beloved father died. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above. I shall appreciate an urgent message on (cKipkalya@yahoo.fr) indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.

AWAITING YOUR URGENT AND POSITIVE RESPONSE, Please do keep this only to your self for now un till the bank will transfer the fund. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my wicked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone. I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited the money with my name as the next of Kin. I have the documents for the claim. Please contact me here (cKipkalya@yahoo.fr)

Yours Sincerely,
Miss.Cynthia Kipkalya Kones
cKipkalya@yahoo.fr
Alas my dear Cynthia, I cannot help you. I'm sure you'll find another patsy, umm, knight in shining armor that will ride on in on his trusty steed to help save the day for you. Au revoir.

On a side note, here is another little nugget I just received:
Hi Friend I am a banker in UBA BANK .I want to transfer an abandoned sum of 10.5 USD to your account.50% will be for you. No risk involved. Contact me for more details. Kindly reply me back to my alternative email address ( kasimmohamed712@yahoo.com )    Dr Kasim Mohamed.
Really now. To quote Ed Lover: Come on Son.

FH

Friday, November 22, 2013

Talk About A Shitty Commute

I step on the Uptown 6 train after work this morning to find a man taking a shit in the train car. Yes folks, the guy was taking a dump on the train and had the nerve to get mad at us for interrupting him while he was pooping. As if. We promptly left him to his shitting and moved into the next car. The rest of the ride was basically a comedy skit made up of a steady stream of commuters who got on the shitty car and made a bee-line to the now full next car. It reminded me of the chase scenes in Benny Hill. All we needed to hear was Boots Randolph's Yakety Sax over the loud speakers.

What I find curious is that a rider who got on later  blamed the MTA for their shitty service. As much as I have had my issues with the MTA, I can't blame them for this shitshow. You never know when someone is just going to pop a squat and drop a duece on the train. The dude did so after the train left the Brooklyn Bridge station.

I really feel sorry for the person who has to clean that shit up. My sympathies to you whomever you may be. That is definitely NOT in the job description.


FH

Here's a little travel music for your commutes. Enjoy ;)

Sunday, September 29, 2013

A Piece of Advice On Dealing with Baby Mommas

If you brothers (or sisters) out there happen to have more than two baby mommas allow me to give you one piece of friendly advice: Have separate places where you take each baby momma. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TAKE BOTH (OR ANY COMBINATION OF BABY MOMMAS IF MORE THAN TWO) TO THE SAME BAR. Sorry for the caps folks but I just wanted anyone reading this to realize that this was an important point. Why do I mention this? Well, we were faced with good old fashioned baby momma drama at the BSB.

It started before I arrived to work where baby daddy was at the bar with who I believe is baby momma #1. Now what had happened was, as they are shooting pool, baby momma #2 rolls up with the babies in the car. Comes into the bar and has words with both baby daddy and baby momma #1. Quite the predicament baby daddy finds himself in.

Baby momma #2 storms out with baby daddy in tow threatening a whole slew of things. Baby daddy was frozen in what to do. He decided to leave with baby momma #2. Now that might have been the right decision for him but not for us. For by making his decision to leave with baby momma #2, he left a seething baby momma #1 for us to deal with at the bar.

Now I can't blame the woman for being irate. But instead of logically focusing her rage on the rightfully parties, she chose to do against us. She vented attitude, insults, breaking a glass and when she was told to leave by my doorman she started to get physical by slapping his chest, arms and if she could probably his face. Before I go any further, allow me to shed some light on the issues doormen/bouncers face.

If this was a guy we were dealing with, things would have been resolved in a faster manner. As much as we try not to have situations get physical, it happens. If given on other choice, we would just physically remove a man from the premises. Not so with a woman. Under no circumstance do we try to touch a woman to have her leave the bar. Now my stand-by is to take a woman's purse and/or bag and take it outside the bar. No woman I know would ever leave her purse behind purposely. This is where this situation differed from others. If this woman was willing to get physical with a bouncer who's to say she would get worse if he grabbed her bag. Who knows if she has a weapon in it. Its easier to let time go by and have the person walk out on their own than to physically have to do so. I always shake my head when people like to insult us with "why don't you get a real job". People would shit in their pants if they had to deal with half the shit bar people deal with on a nightly basis. But I digress

After a period of time she makes her way to the front to order a drink. She's been cut off. She asks why and I patiently continue to tell her why. Finally the final straw came when she started insulting my bartender and tried to grab a glass to potentially throw at someone on my staff. We nudged her outside and closed the door on her with me standing in the front dealing with her incoherent ramblings and insults mixed in compliments on how cute I was. I don't know whether she was drunk, high or both but she was both laughable and pitiful. Finally after some more time of doing that, she stalked off into the night. Luckily we didn't see or hear from her again.

What a way to start a Saturday night. It wasn't even 8:30pm when she left. Nights like these make me want to just say fuck it. I'm done.

FH

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Stone Faced Señora on the Train

On comes this stone faced señora on the train, mean mugging each and every passenger (including your humble narrator). Now at 5am, the train is a very precarious blend of nightwalkers making their way home after a long night of work or play and those early rising daywalkers who are heading to work. And then there is the stone faced señora.

Now I can admit that I often find myself gritting my teeth at the racket on the train in the late/early hours. That's why I have my big headphones to block out undesirable noises. But back to my aggro amiga "Cara de Piedra Duran".

Like I said earlier, she stalks onto the train, mean mugs everyone and sits down with a look on her face as if she ate glass with nails smothered in battery acid and passed them while tearing her sphincter and surrounding hemmorhoids. Yeah, that's how she looked. But she gets worse.

This is the time of the day where people are going to work all nice and chipper after a good night's rest and a piping hot cup of tea, while listening to the birds outside their window sing them a beautiful aria to start the day. In having done so, they are more than willing to have a lively and spirited conversation on the good old early morning Iron Horse. Well, my aggro amiga did not like it in the least. Though she didn't say anything to the ladies who were talking at a reasonable volume, she kept sucking her teeth (making a louder noise than the women) and covering her ears with her fists while rocking back and forth to block out the apparently offensive noise. Luckily for all involved, including myself, the conversing chicas got off on 68th Street and our stone faced señora went back to mean mugging yours truly. I thought she was going to go nuclear while riding my favorite filly Iron Horse #6.

Luckily for me, Medusa's power of turning flesh to stone did not have an effect on me. She eventually stomped off the train a few stops later to grace others with her sunshine of a personality. And I say that I'm a curmudgeon.

Sweet dreams buttercup unless you also scare those away as well with your mean mug. Talk about "Frau Blucher".

FH

Thursday, July 18, 2013

In Chicago and Illinois Part I

One way to describe this trip is that size does matter. Granted that the reason we were going to Chicago was for G-Fest XX that celebrated everything that was Godzilla and Kaiju related. But before I go into that, I wanted to go back to he size thing. No, I'm not talking about THAT (this is a PG post folks). Allow me to elaborate.

We flew out of LaGuardia airport on the Delta Shuttle to Chi-Town and for these short flights they utilize smaller "shuttle" planes which hold roughly 70 passengers. Since I sat with my son, I didn't feel cramped in my seat (which I usually find myself feeling on most planes). It was at the bathroom where I felt the size crunch. Lets put it this way, I must have felt like the Big Show from the WWE feels in ordinary bathrooms. My head made contact with the ceiling of the bathroom while the door shut directly on my back. I just had enough wiggle room to use the facilities and to turn around to lock and open the door. Consider that I'm a decent sized man at 6'1" and 270lbs but even there I found myself compressed in the cramped commode. I made sure to use the bathroom on the plane just once. LOL.

After we arrived at O'Hare Airport, we took the shuttle bus from the airport to Enterprise Rent-A-Car where again I was met with a size challenge. My last rental from Enterprise was a Volkswagen Beetle which I drove from Monterrey to San Francisco in 2011. I absolutely loved it. Again I decided to go with a compact car and this time I was given the Fiat 500c. It is a nice little car. I have no complaints on how it drove. Very smooth on the road and easy to handle. The issue for me was that once I got in (and stopped banging my knees) there was not much headroom. Now, I wasn't bad as Bob Parr aka Mr. Incredible in his little car but again as with the bathroom on the plane, there wasn't much wiggle room. It was a useful little car while I rented it but I couldn't think of owning one for myself.


After getting lost for a while in and around Rosemont, Illinois and finally finding the hotel, we checked into our room. We decided to relax for a bit before the double feature at The Pickwick Theater in Park Ridge, Illinois. Now why was I surprised when I turned the TV on and saw that they were playing a Japanese monster movie. I should have known better. Actually, the convention had a whole slate of movies, documentaries and interviews from prior conventions playing throughout the convention on channel 2. It was a very nice touch. On to the theater we went.


Park Ridge was about five miles or so from our hotel and we found ourselves in a small town which that "Main Street" feel you tend to see in the movies. There was a outdoor festival going on called A Taste of Park Ridge where a band played and food was served in a nice park next to the City Hall. I have to say that I felt a little jealous of this. you just don't see events like these in the Bronx. It reminded me of the old 14th Street Fair in Astoria from my youth and the feasts that are still done on Ditmars Blvd. before I get lost on memory lane, let me get back to Park Ridge.

We parked and stopped off at the Pickwick Restaurant which is located next to the theater. I felt as if I not only left NYC but I also went back in time. The restaurant evoked the feel of 1950's and 1960's diner. The only thing missing was the personal jukeboxes on the tables. The service was super friendly and you can tell that the same clientele went to the restaurant often since the staff referred to the majority of the customers by their first name.

Taken by RUSSELL B. PHILLIPS courtesy of http://www.anatomicallycorrect.org/alltheworldsastage.htm

Now as you can see above, the exterior the Pickwick is an old school theater. The theater looked like it was ripped out from a book of old Chicago-area movie houses. It was old school down to the machine that spit out the ticket stubs, the prices for a regular movie (see below) AND the small concession area. We were definitely NOT in New York City folks.

Luckily for me that's where the old school feel ended. The theater of the Pickwick that was showing the movies had been recently renovated. They installed a huge digital screen and these massive cushioned rocking theater seats. I was definitely happy about that. I was dreading having to spend the better part of 7-hours seated in cramped theater seats.


Oh, and the movies we saw? Well the double feature had Gamera vs. Gyaos and The X From Outer Space (which surprisingly is a Criterion Collection movie) and at the midnight showing was Pacific Rim which you need to see ASAP if you're an fan of action flicks.



By the time we left the theater at 2:20am and got back to the hotel it was close to 3am. We took ourselves to bed knowing that we needed to be up early for the registration of the G-Fest XX Convention. Little that I know I would be even more tired after day two. :)

FH

Friday, April 19, 2013

Why

Things that happen in daily life often make you ask the question: "Why?" Now add a situation like the recent bombing of the Boston Marathon and the subsequent chaos that followed during the days after and the question "Why?" looms even larger.

For example, why did two young brothers allegedly do what they did. Why would these brothers lash out in a mode of terror when it seemed to many that knew them that they were enjoying the best of what the American Dream was providing them. These were two young men with apparent goals and aspirations  So the question "Why?" continues to loom large. We have yet to hear their side. With the death of the older brother, that question cannot be answered by him not can it be answered by the younger brother since he is on the lam.

Why the Boston Marathon. What statement did placing those bombs there want to be said. Why the senseless injuries, maimings, dismemberments, and deaths to two adults in the approaching the prime of their lives and a young boy of 8-years of age who never got the chance to live his life. Add to that the 26-year old police officer who was killed in the line of duty on the campus of M.I.T. Another person senselessly killed.

As a father of two children I empathize with all of the parents involved. One never wants to hear about one of your children being hurt, maimed, dismembered or killed. The thought is unimaginable. The feelings that these parents are experiencing is something that I hope to never feel. Those families will never be the same.

On the other side you have the father of the two suspects who feels as if his sons are innocent. How can a parent not empathize with his pain. Who wants to wake up to the news that their two sons are capable of undertaking such atrocities. No one wants to believe that of their babies. No matter how old they (and we) are, they will always be babies to us. Not only that but regardless of guilt, no parent wants to hear via TV that their son was killed by a combination of bullet fire and being run over by their fleeing younger son.

That family is torn asunder with relatives taking to the air talking about innocence, guilt, shame, embarrassment  astonishment and forgiveness among the many emotions that are being displayed. Taking different sides that undoubtedly will destroy familial bonds. That family will never be the same.
The family of missing the Brown University student whose name was mentioned on a police scanner since going missing in March went from jubiliation of their missing relative being found to unimaginable horror that he would be capable of these crimes to despondency that he was not the person being chased and was still missing. That family will not be the same.

The towns that are currently on lockdown will also never be the same. Any sound during the night reminiscent of gunfire will trigger memories of last night's events. A increase in the number of law enforcement at any time will bring back memories. Anyone who would resemble all of those involved will bring back memories. Those lives will never be the same.

In the end, all parties involved will all have different questions that will all start with one word: Why. Its a question that we may never get an answer to.

May everyone in the greater Boston area be safe and may this situation come to a swift end and hopefully without anymore injury and loss of life.

FH

Friday, January 25, 2013

Ivory Coast Email Scam

For those of you who have read this blog before you know that I find email scams to be rather amusing. I really find it amazing that people will actually fall for some of the things that are sent to their email from strangers in places that they will probably never visit. I am amazed how people believe that they can make millions by just answering an email. I guess if you're in dire straits anything can seem realistic. But man, people need to think. Here's an example of another email scam that recently ended up in my spam folder. Read on:

ASSALAMU'ALAYKUM !!!!!

VERY URGENT FROM THE HOSPITAL

PLEASE DO CONTACT ME THROUGH THIS MY PRIVATE EMAIL: Mariammuhammaddd@yahoo.co.th

I am Mrs. Mariam Muhammad, a widow to late Muhammad Hashim former owner of Petroleum & Gas Company here in Ivory Cost West Africa. I am 63 years old, suffering from long time Cancer of the breast. From all indications my condition is really deteriorating and it's quite obvious that I won't live more than 2 months according to my doctors.

This is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage. I don't want you to pity me, but I need your assistance and trust. My late husband died early last year from Heart attack, and during the period of our Marriage we couldn't produce any child. I found your e-mail address in the web directory, and I have decided to contact you, but if for any reason you find this mail offensive, please you can ignore it and please accept my apology.

Before my late husband died he deposited the sum of One million, Three Hundred Thousand United States dollars (USD$1.3 Million) in a Bank some years ago, that’s all I have left now, I have wholeheartedly decided to donate the entirety of this fund to any devoted Believer or organization and to achieve this, I need an individual that will utilize this funds adherent for these purposes.


1: For the sick, less-privileged
2: For the Widows and the motherless babies e.t.c
3: Orphanage or Charity Home

Presently, I'm in a hospital in Ivory Coast, where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer. I want someone, who is God-fearing to use this money for the propagating the good news of God, orphanages and widows, I await your quick response to this mail as this is my last wish to see this funds transferred before my death. I want you to contact my servant with this information below:

Servant Fouad Khalifa Address: Rue De La Yamoussoukro L/G 152 Macory Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire Tel +225-66404825 Email: Fouadkhalifar@yahoo.co.th

He will give you the documents of the fund and will direct you to a well known lawyer that i have appointed, the lawyer will assist you to change the documents of the money to your name to enable the bank transfer the money to you. This is the favor i need when you have gotten the money:-

(1) Give 20% of the money to my servant Fouad Khalifa as he has been there for me throughout my illness and i have promised to support him in life. I want you to take him along with you to your country and establish him as your son. The lawyer's name is Barrister Pedro Jose. And Let Fouad Khalifa sends you his International Passport to be sure of who you are dealing with. Fouad Khalifa is so little, therefore guide him.

I hope God gives you the wisdom to touch many lives that is my main concerned. 30% of this money will be for your time and effort, while 50% goes to charities that will appreciate your assistance for this project. The doctor has stopped me from receiving and making calls due to my health condition.

Yours Sister in Islam.
Mrs. Mariam Muhammad
Allah Hafiz.
As Salam Alaikum!

As you can see this one is rather polished compared to others I have gotten. The spelling is correct and has very few grammatical errors. It kind of makes your heart go out to Mrs. Mariam Muhammad. Kind of.

Come on people. Don't fall for these scams. You know better than that.

FH