Monday, December 22, 2008

The Need for Gloves on the Iron Horse

So as I'm riding home on the Iron Horse this past Sunday night, I see this middle-aged man sitting in a corner seat. He shivers every time the train doors open as the cold winter draft enters the car. Upon further inspection, I notice that he's wearing orange "chinese slippers" (for a lack of a better term) with no socks. His ankles are exposed and his skin ashen white. He's wearing a tattered coat and has his hands tucked inside his coat for warmth.

This is the worst time of year to be down on your luck. In reality, any time of the year is a hard time be down on your luck. But in my opinion, Christmas is really bad. We (hopefully) all have good memories from our childhoods during Christmas. So to have nothing while watching people walk around with bags of gifts can really be demoralizing. But I digress.

So, I remember that I have an extra pair of gloves that I found in the bar in my bag. I stand and offer him the gloves. He politely refuses them. I note a look of pride in him as he says no to my repeated offer for the gloves which I believe, no I know, that he could have used. I often say that pride does not pay the rent and in this occasion pride does not keep your hands warm. I respected his decision to not take the gloves by not asking him again and sitting down at my seat.

As I arrive at my station, I catch a quick glance at the man. He's awake, aware and shivering. Man, I wish he could have taken the gloves. Pride definitely does not keep you warm, I hope he has another way of doing so. Merry Christmas.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Gamesmasters at work

So the dude who I'm referring to is a friend of one of my doorguys (For matter of privacy both dudes will remain nameless). This is his normal routine at arriving to the bar: He notices a woman ir a group of women sitting without men in their group and he moves on in like body odor:Real Strong. He drops a line or two and a minute later he's back: shot down. He'll do it 4 to 5 times while he's at the bar.

So we call him on it and he says that we don't see the game that he has. His game doesn't apply at Bleecker Street since he really doesn't care if he hooks up there or not. Transation: Bleecker Street women aren't slutty enough to go home with me as they are in the dive bars I hang out in. He says that he'll show me a lesson so I need to learn from him. The dude is just sad. For example this was one of his lines this past Friday night:

"I noticed by your sweater that you went to the same school I did and I felt that I had to talk to you." The girl after a second of digesting the statement says "You went to USCM: The school of the United States Marine Corps?" She laughs so hard that she knocks down her drink on the bar as he slinks away. So the Gamesmaster got shot down once again.

I have the nerve to call what I do work AND I get paid to watch these shows. LOL.


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Back Spasms and Duane Reade

So in addition to the stress of trying to finish my papers, attend class, go to work and take care of my househod responsiilities I have a nasty set of back spasms while trying to do so.

So I have become a frequent customer of Duane Reade in trying to find relief. From rubs, to patches to pills, I have run the gauntlet of stuff that I have purchased. But here is where my rant lies.

I look for Excedrin Back and Body pain pills which I find are on the bottom shelf. How is someone who has back pains supposed to bend over to get pain medication on the bottom shelf. Jeez, they must do it on purpose to watch people like me who are in pain struggle to get the pills. If I ever see a video of myself on The Smoking Gun or World Dumbest on Tru TV, Duane Reade on Broadway and Houston is in major league trouble. LOL.

Luckily for me the back is getting better and it doesn't hurt so much to laugh.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"Funny" Monday Night Bar Story

So this fucking guy comes into the bar with a chick. I'm at the end of the bar so I intercept him near the jukebox and ask for his ID. He says that since he's going to the back of the bar, I should follow him to see his proof. Naturally I tell him no, I'm checking his proof where I tell him to, not where he wants. He shows it but is a real jackass about it. He walks out and comes back a few minutes later with these two busted looking chicks.

I see he comes in and start walking towards him when he starts to wave me over to him, like someone would wave to a valet or a servant. That's like waving a red flag to a bull. He proceeds to tell me that he was waving to me to alert me to his presence. Like he was somebody fucking important. I tell him that there's no need to wave to me as I saw him come in. Again he stresses that he was just trying to let me know but it wasn't only the wave but the demeaning tone in which he said it.

I tell him that there's no need to bust balls since I felt that he was busting mine. He keeps with the attitude says that he was only being Jocular since it was the holidays. Its safe to say that I was not feeling the same and told him so, in addition to telling him that he needed to leave. It goes downhill from there.

He calls me an asshole. I tell him that "It takes one to know one" and to get the fuck out (while apologizing to the ladies for cursing, talk about class, eh?). He complains that I'm cursing after he calls me an asshole. I tell him that if he has a problem with it he can do something about it and he goes he'll be back later as the girl holds him back. He starts puffing up saying he'll be back (while the girl still hold him back. Like any woman can hold me back when I'm pissed off). Now I retort I'll be here til 4am, but why wait I'm here. He gets even more pissed off but still doesn't break free from the lady's grasp which I go ahead and remind him that the lady's holding him back and that no one his restraining me. If he wants some come get some.

Now, a real man would step to the plate and be a man. Not this pussy. He gets walked out by his girl and now she starts talking trash outside the bar. People don't realize that the shit I put up with on a Friday and Saturday night doesn't happen on a Sunday or Monday. By now, I don't have the patience or desire to deal with the bullshit and have no problem bitch slapping some dude who's trying to impress his lady friends in front of the same ladies.

Lo and behold he left but we'll see if I have another story if he comes back...I wouldn't bet on it.

But to show that I'm not a heartless dude, hey Mr. Jocular have a Merry Christmas. Douchebag!!!


Sunday, December 7, 2008

Homeless and something I've never seen in the train

So when its freezing out in the big city like it is tonight, I often wonder how those without a place to live survive on the streets when it gets this cold. The train I just got on to go to work seemed to have a homeless person in each car. I know that some of them smell but I rather see them warm and safe on the train and/or the platform than frozen on the streets. Anyone who complains should try to last a night like tonight on the streets.

So keeping with the homeless theme though in a much lighthearted tone yesterday (Saturday) I saw something that I have never seen before on the subway. Being a native of NYC I've seen some real funky stuff on the Subway, but this had to be a first for me.

So, I'm riding the train to work (early for a change) and this homeless guy gets on the train and starts asking for money. Nothing new there. A woman gives him a small bag of pretzels which he proceeded to eat. Again, nothing new. So he finishes them, gets up and moves on through to the next car via the emergency doors. I pay him no mind. Here where the story grows.

A few stops later, a guy who (I guess) works for Bed Stuy EMS (That's what the back of his shirt and hat said) is traveling through the car I'm in and attempts to use the same emergency doors that the homeless guy went through and found that he couldn't open the door. He bangs on the glass and the door opens. I turn to see what was happening since I heard banging and what do I see on the floor when the door opened: A Turd. The homeless dude squatted down and dropped a duece in between cars while the train was moving. We had just pulled into 86th Street so the train was filling up.

Hey, I give the guy credit. I wouldn't be able to squat down between cars while the train was traveling 4 stops while dropping a turd. And (I assume as I didn't see him) he kept his balance the whole time. That takes skill folks.

The EMS guy starts yelling at the homeless guy to clean his sh*t up and asks him WTF he was doing. The homeless guy shrugged and said calmly "I had to go". He kicked his deposit into the tracks and got off the train rather nonchalantly. I couldn't stop laughing and the EMS guy gave me a dirty look before he also started laughing. What could you do. When you gotta go, you gotta go. And on that note, I bid thee farewell.