Thursday, June 28, 2012

You Could Have Fit

What is the recording that the MTA has on their Public Service announcements: Courtesy is contagious and it starts with you. So what happens when you are courteous and are criticized for it. Here goes.

I was on line at Duane Reade and there was an older woman with a cane at the register. She finished and walked down the aisle way that I had to walk down to get to register. Since she was walking with her cane, I let her go by before walking to the register. As she walks by me, I hear here say under her breath: You could have fit. I stop at the register and look back at her where she loudly repeats her last statement in a defiant manner. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. I was downright shocked. And to top it off, she had attitude towards me. Upset that I didn't walk past her. Maybe she thought I found her too fat to walk by her? Maybe I could have fit but that's not the point. I was just trying to be courteous.

I just shook my head and told her: I'm sure I could have fit but I was just letting you pass. I'm in no rush. There was no offense intended. She just turned and walked towards the door.

How do you like them apples. If I don't wait and walk by her I'd be rude if I made any contact. If I wait for her to pass I'm rude since I'm inferring by my non action that her and I could not fit down the aisle way. Que cojones.

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and walk away.


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Things To Wonder

If you sit down and think about it, the way life on this planet works is really is interesting. How so? Look at how people intersect with each other as they travel on their individual paths. You'll meet someone, make acquaintances, friends, confidants, collaborators and/or lovers of them and in a blink of an eye you or them move on and not see them again. It could be a week, a month, a year, 20 years or never again. Ever wonder about them? What triggers it? And how is it that at the most inopportune or inexplicable time you cross paths with them again. Is it fate? Random happenstance? Dumb luck? What do you gals and guys think.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Hacked or Not Hacked

I receive an email from Momma-San's work email entitled "whenever you feel like it" The title seemed suspicious to me but I opened it just in case. Inside the text read as so (in lover case letters ):

Here's an item I would live.
So whenever you feel like getting me a gift for no particular reason at all...
on Amazon.con its an Algerian Two Tone Love Knot by Emitions..two tone and its $75.00

At second glance my feelings about the title seem confirmed. Not knowing what the hell an Algerian Two Tone Love Knot is aside from it being some sex toy/accessory, it seemed to me that Momma-San's email got hacked! I text her to let her know. Here is how the conversation went down:

Me: You sent me an email from your work account for an Algerian Two Tone Love Knot? Either you did or you were hacked. Change your password.

Momma-San: Yes

You emailed me that? I was afraid to open it. Still am


You getting pointers from those Grey books?


Ok, so now I feel stupid since I assumed it was something that Momma-San had read in those fifty Shades of Grey Books. So I decide to look it up. Here is what they are:

Algerian Two Tone Love Knot...Earrings

D'oh!!!!! I tell you folks, sometimes for as smart as I am. I can be rather stupid. Here I thought Momma-San was getting freaky freaky on me. ;)


Sunday, June 10, 2012

I Just Went Out For Air

Drunk dude leaves the bar and stumbles down the block and pukes twice. Of course, yours truly takes the two coffee pots full of hot water to rinse away the mess.

A few minutes two of his friends show up asking if we've seen a guy who couldn't explain where he was in a text. We describe him and they confirm he is the person we mentioned to them. As almost on cue, home stumbles up to the bar. He embraces his friends and starts to come into the bar. Both Chuck and I are at the door and tell him he's done.

He asks us why he can't come in since he just left. We tell him that he can't come in since he's already drunk and stumbled down the block. Here is the rest of the exchange.

Him: But I just went out for some air.
Me: Yeah, and you left two parts of you on the sidewalk when you puked. Have a good night

As if we needed any more of a verification of his inebriation, the dude took a step back and feel backwards in between the planter and iron wrought fence (that surrounds the tree) that is in front of the bar.

As Killer Ray would have said if he was standing here: "Down Goes Frazier"

All you can do is laugh.


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Walking Barefoot in NYC

It amazes me how many women choose to walk barefoot on NYC sidewalks after a night of wearing heels. I see it happen with more frequency after 2am. What I find astonishing is that many of those women get mad when someone tells them that they should be wearing their shoes. In front of the bar alone you have people who smoke and spit. People walk dogs who urinate and poop on the sidewalk, not to mention God knows what other bodily fluids and liquids might be on the sidewalk. It is one of the least sanitary places to put bare skin on. Ladies, carry flats if your heels become too much to bear. Last thing you want to do us catch something on your bare feet because you chose to walk barefoot in NYC.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Shit Guys Resort To In Order To Hook Up With A Chick

So these two jabronies were sitting at the bar comparing their proven techniques on how to pick up women. I tried to ignore their inane comments until the Latino of the two guys asks his friend if he ever owned puppies. The second dude answered in the affirmative. The Latin lover then asked if he ever had to put any of them to sleep. #2 answered yes in a low somewhat sad voice. Now keep in mind for those of you who don't those know me, I put my dog Buddy to sleep less that four months ago. Not surprisingly that last statement caught my attention.

Latino lover says, tell a chick that you had a dog who once had puppies and you had to put it to sleep, give her a sad face and she'll fall all over you. Both dudes just laughed. Again, not surprisingly I didn't find it amusing in the least.

I tell the duo that they are just wrong by using that excuse to pick up women and if that's the best they can come up with they need more help than they think they do. Latino lover asks me what should they do instead of the puppies line and I respond: Just be yourselves. I mean seriously guys with 6-Billion people on this planet SOMEONE will find your personality attractive

Unfortunately, my whole sarcastic line flew over their heads. Never on my worse day did I have to rely on such cheap shenanigans to hook up with a woman. I wasn't upset at them, just sad that someone would stoop to that level to catch a rap.

Like my dad would say: Pobre America. Poor America indeed.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sometimes I Wish

Sometimes I wish that men would talk to me in the manner that they choose to berate their female companions. Why? Here's why.

I wouldn't let this guy into the bar due to his visible intoxication. Apparently his girlfriend was inside with some other friends but chose to not leave immediately. I guess she decided to stay since it was his fault that he was drunk. Fair enough, no? When the group finally decided to leave, he got in her face and insulted her with suck obscenities as "Fuck you, you're a bitch an you're a cunt" among others insults.

The funny thing was that with me he was nothing but sheepish, asking me quietly if I could let him in after I didn't let him in. If he was mad, be mad at me since I'm the one who wouldn't let him in. But no, instead this dude of about 6 feet and 2 inches in height chose to take his frustrations out on his lady who was no taller than 5 foot 3 inches. She just took it, refusing to go down to his level. Choosing to walk away than to get into a public incident with this guy.

That must have made him feel like a big tough guy. What a fucking pussy.