Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day Weekend

These two young dudes come into the bar and beeline towards these two women who are sitting talking among themselves at the bar. "Papi chulos" that they are start kicking it to the ladies. The ladies are obviously older than they are and really don't want to be bothered but are nice to the guys.

After a few minutes, Mike tells me that they haven't ordered anything. So I tell him to ask them if they want something, to which they respond that "We're thinking about it". I show Mike 3 fingers meaning that if they don't order in 3 minutes I would step in. Even before I hit the 3 minute mark, one of the dudes gets touchy feely with one of the ladies by touching her on the lower back. This caused the other one to snap at the young buck to keep his hands to himself. Seeing the opening, I stepped to the guys and said "you guys have to order something or you have to go". They respond but we want to play pool. I repeat my last statement to them without flinching. They fidgeted for a minute and got up and said goodbye to the ladies and quietly left the bar.

I tell the ladies "You're welcome for getting rid of them" to which they respond in unison "What took you so long". And they didn't even buy the ladies a drink. I mean, I know I've been retired from the game for a while now but I don't think that not buying a lady a drink while at the bar will mean that you'll hook up with them any faster. Cheap fuckers.

And talking about cheap...No more than 5 minutes after the young bucks left the bar than does the playa of the night show up. Decked out in a Hot Pink suit with matching tie, shoes and sash on a white fedora, this playa strolls into the bar with his hard strut. If he strutted any harder he'd break into pieces. LOL. I ask him for his ID, which he shows me and walks to the end of the bar.

He asks the bartender what the cheapest drink is, to which Mike says $6 dollars causing the playa to turn right back and hard strut his way back out the door. Guess the playa had no cash to drink since he spent it all on the suit. In a side note, one of our regulars named Gizmo tells me that he knows the playa and he has other suits like that one in Lime Green and Orange. To quote Stevie when he saw the playa walk in: "Whooooo". Whoooo is right. LOL.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Anxiousness on the Iron Horse #6

So the 6 that I was on was stalled at 42nd Street Grand Central Station for a few minutes due to the "Train Dispatcher Holding the Train". No biggie. Here's where the scenario takes a weird turn.

Unknowingly, I was moving my legs while seated listening to my tunes and apparently that was bothering a woman seated at the end of the car. She came up to me and asked me to take my headphones off. Which I did. She proceeded to say something similar to this:

"I'm sorry to ask you this, but do you mind not moving your legs. Waiting here on the train is bad enough but the moving of your legs is irritating me. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be asking you this but I'm getting off in a few stops."

Wow! My friend Leslie yesterday commented to me on Facebook that I really have strange experiences and this one can't even be blamed on the late night. I guess I can understand her point. Maybe she suffers from anxiety and waiting for the train to move can be trying. I told her that I would try my best to avoid moving my legs. She profusely apologized. She was embarrased since I guess she reacted without thinking about it. Lucky it was me and not another anxious person. LOL.

True to my word, I stopped and true to hers she got off on 28th Street. Another glorious evening in NYC.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The NFL and the Cold Weather Superbowl

The selection process for the 2014 Superbowl is underway and for the 1st time, a cold weather city that does not have a domed stadium is under consideration for the bid. The home stadium of the Giants and Jets that is set to open this upcoming season is in line for a rare superbowl. Its funny to me how there are objections to playing the big game in the cold when the game of football is a cold weather game.

I laughed when reading of the plans to have hand warmers for the fans in the stands and fire pits for the tailgaters. I hate to tell those worry warts within the NFL, but fans have been going to cold games and tailgating before and after those games for decades. Why is it such an issue now? Maybe the fake corporate fans are afraid that their little fingers will be cold. This is a joke coming from a league that prides itself on parity. Parity would be that everyone got a shot at a superbowl, not just those cities that are situated in warm weather climeate and/or have a dome.

To me (and I say this as having played the game) a football game is one that is played in the elements within the mud, rain, snow and ice. Nothing defines a football player as how rugged he looks after a game in the elements, a-la Y.A. Tittle after the NFL Championship game of 1958. The images still have an effect today of the fog rolling over the icy field on the "Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field" referring to the Ice Bowl between the Packers and Cowboys in 1967. Today, players barely have grass stains on their knees and it sucks folks.

So here's how I would do the Superbowl if I was Commissioner. The locations would alternate between conference, one year cold weather and warm the next year. Everyone gets a shot to host a Superbowl. The weather is a crap shoot. Denver, Buffalo, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Green Bay and the New York City area among others will be able to benefit from the revenue a game the magnitude of the Superbowl can bring as opposed to the usual few benefitting. So the corporate cronies will be cold. Well Boo hoo to you.

Let real fans who can take the weather sit in those seat instead of wimpy suits who barely know the difference between their thumb and their elbow. Real fans can enjoy the game played in the cold.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Unplugging and Privacy Settings

So I recently unplugged from Facebook (specifically) and the web in a general basis. Why you may ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, I was tired of having to pull my battery from my phone. The Facebook app on my Blackberry is such a damn memory hog that it was such a drain (pardon my pun, LOL) on my phone.

In addition, I enjoy commenting on the status updates of some of my friends. But man, some of their friends have some of the most stupid comments. It gets annoying when someone says something ignorant and just plain dumb in a otherwise lively debate. What's even worse is those people who choose to interrupt said debate by asking and commenting things that surely belong in a private message. The nerve of some people. So that's my rant on the unplugging from Facebook.

Now on to the new privacy settings. People love to blame Facebook for their changes. I hear people say "Facebook is making my information available" or "Facebook is making my pictures available". Well folks, herein lies the rub. See the simple little two letter word I have in both quotations? Yes, the word MY people. It was you who chose to join Facebook and put your name, email address, private phone number (which for the life of me I can't understand how any person with a shred of common sense can do) and other private information not to mention pictures.

Listen chicky, if you don't want people seeing the pictures of the time you were on vacation and passed out from drinking too many Long Island Iced Teas and your flabby cottage cheese ass was showing past the way too short and way too tight skirt you were "supposedly" wearing with the bra and blouse/top that were obviously 3 sizes too small for you then YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE POSTED THEM. Don't blame Facebook. You're the ones to blame. People can only see and know what information you provide. In this case: don't tell, don't know.

Am I wrong? Here goes the re-plugging. Ah, I'm in. LOL.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Zimbabwe Email Scam

So I get this email the other day which made me laugh out loud. Why is it so funny? Well read what it said and then I'll tell you why:

Attn; Sir/Madam,

My name is as above stated, the wife of Mr. Thomas Kabo from the republic of Zimbabwe. I know that this mail might come to you as a surprise. During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe, in his effort to chase all the white farmers out of the country, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and his followers.

My husband was one of the best and successful farmers in our country but he did not support the idea of dispossessing the white farmers of their Farm Because of this, his farm was invaded and burnt by government supporters. In the course of the attack, my husband was killed, and the invaders made away with a lot of items from my Husband's farm.

And our family house was utterly destroyed. He drew my attention to the sum of US$8.5 MILLION, Which he deposited with a security company in South Africa when this incident was going incase if something happens to him. My son and I decided to move out of Zimbabwe for our own security, because our lives were in danger. We decided to move to the Republic of South Africa where my Husband deposited this money. Till date, the security company is not aware of the content of the consignment because my husband used his diplomatic immunity as at that time to deposit this consignment as important personal valuables.

I decided to contact you to assist me to move the money out of South Africa. This becomes necessary because as political asylum seekers, we are not allowed to own or operate a bank account. If you accept this proposal, you shall receive 25% of the entire amount for assisting us to move this money out, 70% of this amount shall be for us, and the remaining 5% shall be mapped out for expenses incurred in the course of the transaction. As soon as I get your response, I will give you more details on how we can proceed. Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.
Urgent response waited.

Best regards,
Petunia Kabo

Ok, so why did I laugh. It is actually quite sad that email hoaxes as these are still traveling the web. Are people that gullible that they would fall for it? Apparently so. Even in all my contact with different people in New York City, I can only say that I have checked the ID of one or two people from Zimbabwe, let alone know a white farmer from that country.

If someone is sad enough to fall for this scam then maybe they should have their money taken from them. Me? No way. It ain't happening.


The Rainbow Plumed Saxophonist

This truly uniquely attired gentleman boarded the 6 train that I was on at a random stop in the Bronx. Wearing rainbow colored Indian feathers with multi-colored cornrows to match was this old gentleman with a dull looking saxophone.

Fiddle fiddle fiddle with his instrument did the musician do for most of the ride. Suddenly off went the mouthpiece with a thud. Tick tick tick went the keys of the brass instrument as the man checked each one in succession, then silence. And off he faded into the distance of my reading and music. Sometime later came the boom!

Stealthily placing the instrument to his lips did the musician let rip with musical notes which sounded like a goose's neck was being wrung within his hands. With the smile of a satisfied kid, the man proceeded to play the same notes. I guess the instrument was being played to satisfaction, well only his. The other passengers all looked at each other with bewilderment and astonishment, with some even covering their ears to blot out the sounds.

As the train pulled into Union Square, the man took his bag, plumage and instrument in his hands and exited the train leaving silence once again on the car. Ah, New York. Truly unique.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Weekend Conversations

I decided to shave my face with a razor for the 1st time in 7 months. It caused quite a stir among some of the regulars at the bar. This one woman whose name I really can't recall commented on my lack of facial hair and was quite complimentary about my clean shaven look. Here's how the conversation continued:

Her: So why did you shave.

Me: My wife was complaining about my beard. It was time to go.

Her: I know how it is, going down on her with the rough beard can be uncomfortable.

Now, knowing this woman like I do, she's strictly a hardcore lesbian. Guess come up to her to "kick it" with her and she promptly tells them to take a hike. So my question to Justin after telling him the story was:

Did she have a hairy dude go down on her before or does she's have bearded chicks go down on her?

I guess thats one of life's greatest mysteries.

My friend who has gluten issues was bragging and quite excited about how Citi Field has gluten-free beer and gluten-free buns for their hot dogs and hamburgers. And I turn to her and say "I'm happy for you, nothing like having gluten free buns to put your meat in." Yeah baby, that got a good laugh.