Sunday, September 29, 2013

A Piece of Advice On Dealing with Baby Mommas

If you brothers (or sisters) out there happen to have more than two baby mommas allow me to give you one piece of friendly advice: Have separate places where you take each baby momma. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TAKE BOTH (OR ANY COMBINATION OF BABY MOMMAS IF MORE THAN TWO) TO THE SAME BAR. Sorry for the caps folks but I just wanted anyone reading this to realize that this was an important point. Why do I mention this? Well, we were faced with good old fashioned baby momma drama at the BSB.

It started before I arrived to work where baby daddy was at the bar with who I believe is baby momma #1. Now what had happened was, as they are shooting pool, baby momma #2 rolls up with the babies in the car. Comes into the bar and has words with both baby daddy and baby momma #1. Quite the predicament baby daddy finds himself in.

Baby momma #2 storms out with baby daddy in tow threatening a whole slew of things. Baby daddy was frozen in what to do. He decided to leave with baby momma #2. Now that might have been the right decision for him but not for us. For by making his decision to leave with baby momma #2, he left a seething baby momma #1 for us to deal with at the bar.

Now I can't blame the woman for being irate. But instead of logically focusing her rage on the rightfully parties, she chose to do against us. She vented attitude, insults, breaking a glass and when she was told to leave by my doorman she started to get physical by slapping his chest, arms and if she could probably his face. Before I go any further, allow me to shed some light on the issues doormen/bouncers face.

If this was a guy we were dealing with, things would have been resolved in a faster manner. As much as we try not to have situations get physical, it happens. If given on other choice, we would just physically remove a man from the premises. Not so with a woman. Under no circumstance do we try to touch a woman to have her leave the bar. Now my stand-by is to take a woman's purse and/or bag and take it outside the bar. No woman I know would ever leave her purse behind purposely. This is where this situation differed from others. If this woman was willing to get physical with a bouncer who's to say she would get worse if he grabbed her bag. Who knows if she has a weapon in it. Its easier to let time go by and have the person walk out on their own than to physically have to do so. I always shake my head when people like to insult us with "why don't you get a real job". People would shit in their pants if they had to deal with half the shit bar people deal with on a nightly basis. But I digress

After a period of time she makes her way to the front to order a drink. She's been cut off. She asks why and I patiently continue to tell her why. Finally the final straw came when she started insulting my bartender and tried to grab a glass to potentially throw at someone on my staff. We nudged her outside and closed the door on her with me standing in the front dealing with her incoherent ramblings and insults mixed in compliments on how cute I was. I don't know whether she was drunk, high or both but she was both laughable and pitiful. Finally after some more time of doing that, she stalked off into the night. Luckily we didn't see or hear from her again.

What a way to start a Saturday night. It wasn't even 8:30pm when she left. Nights like these make me want to just say fuck it. I'm done.


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Stone Faced Señora on the Train

On comes this stone faced señora on the train, mean mugging each and every passenger (including your humble narrator). Now at 5am, the train is a very precarious blend of nightwalkers making their way home after a long night of work or play and those early rising daywalkers who are heading to work. And then there is the stone faced señora.

Now I can admit that I often find myself gritting my teeth at the racket on the train in the late/early hours. That's why I have my big headphones to block out undesirable noises. But back to my aggro amiga "Cara de Piedra Duran".

Like I said earlier, she stalks onto the train, mean mugs everyone and sits down with a look on her face as if she ate glass with nails smothered in battery acid and passed them while tearing her sphincter and surrounding hemmorhoids. Yeah, that's how she looked. But she gets worse.

This is the time of the day where people are going to work all nice and chipper after a good night's rest and a piping hot cup of tea, while listening to the birds outside their window sing them a beautiful aria to start the day. In having done so, they are more than willing to have a lively and spirited conversation on the good old early morning Iron Horse. Well, my aggro amiga did not like it in the least. Though she didn't say anything to the ladies who were talking at a reasonable volume, she kept sucking her teeth (making a louder noise than the women) and covering her ears with her fists while rocking back and forth to block out the apparently offensive noise. Luckily for all involved, including myself, the conversing chicas got off on 68th Street and our stone faced señora went back to mean mugging yours truly. I thought she was going to go nuclear while riding my favorite filly Iron Horse #6.

Luckily for me, Medusa's power of turning flesh to stone did not have an effect on me. She eventually stomped off the train a few stops later to grace others with her sunshine of a personality. And I say that I'm a curmudgeon.

Sweet dreams buttercup unless you also scare those away as well with your mean mug. Talk about "Frau Blucher".