Talk About A Shitty Commute

I step on the Uptown 6 train after work this morning to find a man taking a shit in the train car. Yes folks, the guy was taking a dump on the train and had the nerve to get mad at us for interrupting him while he was pooping. As if. We promptly left him to his shitting and moved into the next car. The rest of the ride was basically a comedy skit made up of a steady stream of commuters who got on the shitty car and made a bee-line to the now full next car. It reminded me of the chase scenes in Benny Hill. All we needed to hear was Boots Randolph's Yakety Sax over the loud speakers.

What I find curious is that a rider who got on later  blamed the MTA for their shitty service. As much as I have had my issues with the MTA, I can't blame them for this shitshow. You never know when someone is just going to pop a squat and drop a duece on the train. The dude did so after the train left the Brooklyn Bridge station.

I really feel sorry for the person who has to clean that shit up. My sympathies to you whomever you may be. That is definitely NOT in the job description.

FH

Here's a little travel music for your commutes. Enjoy ;)

The Stone Faced Señora on the Train

On comes this stone faced señora on the train, mean mugging each and every passenger (including your humble narrator). Now at 5am, the train is a very precarious blend of nightwalkers making their way home after a long night of work or play and those early rising daywalkers who are heading to work. And then there is the stone faced señora.

Now I can admit that I often find myself gritting my teeth at the racket on the train in the late/early hours. That's why I have my big headphones to block out undesirable noises. But back to my aggro amiga "Cara de Piedra Duran".

Like I said earlier, she stalks onto the train, mean mugs everyone and sits down with a look on her face as if she ate glass with nails smothered in battery acid and passed them while tearing her sphincter and surrounding hemmorhoids. Yeah, that's how she looked. But she gets worse.

This is the time of the day where people are going to work all nice and chipper after a good night's rest and a piping hot cup of tea, while listening to the birds outside their window sing them a beautiful aria to start the day. In having done so, they are more than willing to have a lively and spirited conversation on the good old early morning Iron Horse. Well, my aggro amiga did not like it in the least. Though she didn't say anything to the ladies who were talking at a reasonable volume, she kept sucking her teeth (making a louder noise than the women) and covering her ears with her fists while rocking back and forth to block out the apparently offensive noise. Luckily for all involved, including myself, the conversing chicas got off on 68th Street and our stone faced señora went back to mean mugging yours truly. I thought she was going to go nuclear while riding my favorite filly Iron Horse #6.

Luckily for me, Medusa's power of turning flesh to stone did not have an effect on me. She eventually stomped off the train a few stops later to grace others with her sunshine of a personality. And I say that I'm a curmudgeon.

Sweet dreams buttercup unless you also scare those away as well with your mean mug. Talk about "Frau Blucher".

FH

Detour MTA Style

Before I go into my story, I have to admit. I really haven't had much to complain about in terms of the MTA. Even with the upcoming fare hike, I thought the way they handled Hurricane Sandy was amazing. Service on my lines have been virtually flawless. But something has really been infecting people as of late. No, not the flu but the push people into the tracks bug has been rampant as of late. Now before we make assumptions, I don't know that this morning's issue was due to a pushing. But I was told that the delay on the Lexington Avenue line was due to someone being trapped under the train at 23rd Street. Knowing that, I can proceed.

I get to the Bleecker Street 6 train station at 5:14am with time to catch the 5:16am train and notice that a 4 train is pulling out slowly. On the PA system I hear do to a police investigation, there is no local service between 42nd Street Grand Central and Brooklyn Bridge in both directions. I quickly exit and walk to Prince Street to catch the N to 14th Street Union Square.

I wait at Prince for about 10 minutes and after a few minutes on the train I get to Union Square. I notice the LED time schedules all say "Delay" for the Lexington Avenue trains. That got my "Spidey-sense" a-tingling but continued down to the platform where a 4 train was in the local track with its doors open and everyone walking off the train. Apparently the train was stuck there until further notice. Now mind you, I just finished working a 9-hour shift at the bar with a bad day of sleep before (Momma-San is sick with the flu) so I was already beat up. But as in typical Sisco fashion, here I go on one of my epic early morning trips.

Out the train station I go Westward toward 14th and 7th to catch the 2 train to the Bronx. I always hesitate to catch the 2 train home especially late night/early morning. Why? Two reasons. One is that there is an unusual amount of jackassery that's happens on that line late night. The second reason only make the first one worst. The 2 train runs local late nights and going from 14th Street to Pelham Parkway (where I was planning to go) makes for a loooooooong ride. To avoid being caught in a sweepytime moment of my own, I got a cup of coffee to stay awake while on the train. Good news, the 2 train was pulling in as I was waking down to the platform. Bad news, it was indeed going local and that got even worse in the Bronx. Good news, there was no jackassery. Bad news, for some reason, the 2 train instead of going to 241st Street and Wakefield as it normally does. It detoured from East 180th up the 5 train line. So imagine how I felt when I heard at East 180th that the next stop was Morris Park and not Bronx Park East. So much for an easy remaining ride. Off the train we went to wait for a 2 train shuttle to take us to Wakefield. 15 minutes later we were finally moving North. By this time, I had to use the bathroom and dipped into the Rainbow Diner. After I bought another cup of coffee and used the facilities I walked to the Bx39 bus stop.

At this point it was 6:54am and the bus was due to arrive at 6:59am. Guess what happened next. The bus arrived on time? Yeah right. You didn't think I was so lucky for a bus to actually be on time. Silly of you to think so. Well, it was on time. The 7:09am bus was on time for its scheduled stop but the 6:59am bus was either super early or didn't show at all. Since the stop was empty, I'd wager that it was early. At least 5 minutes early. Truly unacceptable.

By the time this bus crawled down White Plains Road and I got home it was 7:45am. A full two and a half hours later from the time I left the bar. Mind you, my trip optimally can take an hour from the point I catch the train to the moment I walk in the door. Alas, that was not to be in the cards for me.

And here I am 10 hours later on a 6 train heading back to work. Ay-yay-yay.

Later,
FH

MTA Closing Late Night

So it was announced on the WNYC blogpage by Andrea Bernstein in a post called City to Put Brakes on Some Subway Service Overnight that the MTA will be shutting down lines during nighttime hours and some lines completely during the entire weekends in order to perform construction normally done piecemeal during the weekends. For those of you who know me, know how much of a critic of the MTA that I am. As much as I wish I could get all upset and frothed at the mouth like a rabid dog about this AND as much as I don't like the plan, I'm surprised it too the MTA this long to implement it. It really is the most realistic way to go about it. 

Consider this: that much of the NYC Subway system is over 100 years old, consists of over 600 miles of track and runs in it's entirety 24-hours a day, 7-days a week. To maintain a system of it's size and depth without interrupting service is virtually impossible. Take the London tube as an viable example. In segments it is older than the NYC Subway and It shuts down from 2am-5am for cleaning and regular maintenance on most lines if not longer on others. Most other cities shut down every-night from about midnight to 5am if not earlier.

For those who are complaining about the fares, that's where our money is going. To make sure the repairs that are necessary get done. I'm going to feel the inconvenience first hand when my lines get shortened in January with no service from Grand Central to Atlantic Avenue. I guess I'll just have to leave early and detour to get to work. Let's hope it's like the MTA says: Performing work in this manner is expected to shorten the overall duration of projects, minimizing customer inconvenience and maximizing worker safety

I hope they are right.

FH

The Funnyman in the Booth

Never let it be said that MTA Token Booth clerks don't have a sense of humor at 5:00am. I walk down to the Uptown Bleecker Street Station and ask the token booth clerk "Is the 6 train running?" The man says something which I don't quite understand but gets a big smile from him.

He notices that I don't understand what he says and he repeats himself and says: The 6 trains have no legs so they can't run. They roll instead. I have to admit that I chuckled at that answer.

Considering that the MTA is usually pissing me off, it was good to laugh for once. Well played you cheeky bastard. LOL.

FH

On My Way Home From Work

So after working a seven day in a row stretch, here's a few highlights of my ride home:

- The token booth clerk at the Uptown Bleecker Street Station is in apparent need for a potty break. So as he's walking towards the bathroom door, he lights up a smoke and proceeds to smoke it before going in. Hey, I understand sometimes you need a smoke before using the can but as far as I know its illegal to smoke on MTA property. Why can someone who pays get busted but an employee not. And this would be the same guy to yell out "Pay Your Fare" at someone hopping the turnstile. Smells hypocritical to me. Just saying.

- There's a drunk and hungry dude who stumbles on to the train. Why do I think he's hungry? He's holding onto an open can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and eating the contents can to mouth. Apparently there are no utensils required with this meal. To make matters worse, his upper lip and chin were red from the can hitting his face with every bump the train made. At least his tummy was full. Yummo!!!

- There's a family that gets on the train on 125th Street with two kids and a baby. I know its 5:00am, maybe they had somewhere to go. So the baby starts letting out the kind of screams that Jamie Lee Curtis was known for in the late 1970's horror flicks. Hey, I had kids. I know when they are that age they cry. Its how they communicate. I personally didn't mind since I had my headphones on, but the other riders, especially those who were sleeping might have something different to say. But I digress.

So the kid is letting it rip and the parents are scrambling to prepare a bottle of formula. Mom is holding the baby and gives dad a bottle to rinse out. Mind you we're on the 6 train. Dad takes a Coke bottle with water and transfers some to the empty baby bottle to clean it out. He rinses it a bit and empties the contents on the platform.

Ok, cool. But apparently the bottle wasn't clean enough. So he decides to do it again. This time it seems that he's trying to time his dumping of the water with the closing of the train doors. He mis-times the empting of the bottle and instead of dumping the water on the platform, it hits the now closed door causing a wet mess on the floor and on the sleeping person on the other side of the door. Finally he makes the formula and the kid eats and goes to sleep.

- As I'm walking towards the bus stop near Parkchester, this person is walking my way wearing a pink dress. I'm assuming that its a woman (though I can't tell from their looks). So let's use "She" for a lack of a better term. She is looking for empty bottles and can. Hey, doing her part for the environment. That's cool. But that's not why she catches my eye. As we cross paths, I notice that she is well endowed with a large bosom and a pair of the biggest and hardest nipples that I have ever seen on anyone that is dressed. I mean these were protruding to the point that I had to do a double take along with the other people walking in my direction. If those missles were that noticble when she's dressed, she'd poke an eye or two out when she would remove her bra. Again, Just saying.

And with that, I am almost home. Can anything else happen? LOL.

FH

Go Fuck Yourself MTA

I'm really tired of bitching about the MTA, but given the current state of gas and oil prices, I have nonviable choice but to ride the trains. So back to my original point, I'm getting tired of bitching about the MTA. I know shit happens. The system is old, over 100 years old to be exact so things break down. Trust me, I get it. But if something broke down yesterday, you can let people know about it though the PA system that is on the trains. For example, there apparently is a problem with the downtown local platform on 14th Street and Union Square. Now if you're riding down on the downtown express train and are looking to make a connection with the downtown local at Union Square you can't since the local train is not stopping there due to the platform condition. Knowing that, you think that the conductors would announce it over the PA at 42nd Street and Grand Central. No, that would be logical and too easy. They wait until the train pulls into 14th Street to let those want to transfer know that they can't. So we have to ride down to Brooklyn Bridge to transfer for an Uptown local train or just walk. All I have to say is fuck you MTA. You fucking blow!

FH

The Rat and the Sleeper on the Subway

Rat on the train video

I posted a video I found on YouTube the other day called Rat Riding NYC Subway Wakes Up Sleeping Homeless Man! Rat wakes up Homeless man. You can watch the video below:



As funny as it is to many of us New Yorkers, the comments that follow the video are even funnier. Now I am not targeting those comments that debate the authenticity of the video. I want to talk about some of the other comments. What I don't find amusing is how many people blame the MTA for this. Now for those of you that have read my blog before know that I am very critical of the MTA along many lines but I can't blame them entirely for the rat population in the subway system. The main ones who are to blame are those riders who treat the subway, it's platforms and the tunnels as their private garbage disposals. Yes folks, we in general and the pigs that litter in specific are the ones who should be blamed for the rats.

Honestly, when someone drops their half eaten food under their seat, on the platform and in the tunnel where do you think it goes. Maybe the refuse under the seats of the train car will eventually be cleaned by an MTA employee but in the other areas the rats take care of it. Imagine how dirtier the subway would be without the rats cleaning up our mess by eating what we carelessly discard. Now imagine this "unique" idea: How about if we all took our garbage with us when we left the trains and platforms and discarded said garbage in the provided garbage receptacles provided by the MTA. Don't you think that there would be less of a rat population if they had less to eat? I do. 

I don't blame the rats for doing what they do naturally which is survive. I blame the humans for doing what they naturally do which is ruin anything and anywhere they go to by being the filthy locusts that humans are.

FH

For Further Reading:
- Click Here to access Train Pigs, a blogpage devoted to Exposing Subway Eaters, One Pig at a Time

Man I'm Tired of Complaing About the MTA

One day I'm going to end up in prison for assaulting an MTA Bus driver. I have friends that drive buses and I know their jobs, like mine, can be stressful but a little understanding on their part can make everyone's ride easier. Allow me to elaborate.

With the 6 train station, downtown side at Parkchester under construction those of us who ride the bus to White Plains Road and Westchester Avenue have to get to the 6 train station to St. Lawrence Avenue. The walk is short but the time between Parkchester and St. Lawrence Avenue can be cut to about a 2 minute ride by transfering for the Bx4 bus. So here is the reason for my anger.

I get off the Bx39 and see the Bx4 bus waiting for the light to change while it is sitting in the bus stop. 5 of us get off the bus and run to catch it. As I knock on the door, he freezes us out. Someone on the bus says something to him and he turns to us and shakes his head to tell us he wasn't opening the door. He shows us with his hands that since the bus was sitting in the crosswalk he couldn't open the door though he moved the bus up into the crosswalk while the bus was in the stop. The light turned and he just drove off leaving the 5 of us looking at each other in astonishment.
I'll tell you folks, there was a reason I left the house without cash. I take it as a sign from wherever. Had I had cash, I'd have taken a cab and caught up to the bus and given that fucker the ass beating of his life. I work in a profession where people bait us to see if we get into a fight with them so they can sue the bar for monetary gain. So to say that my patience is plentiful is an understatement. But what that motherfucker did was just wrong and bitch slapping worthy.

Assholes like that guy are the first to try to sway public opinion in his favor when they threat going on strike for their raises. How about working with the public that EMPLOYS YOU for once. Fucking Jackass. Karma will give him his just desserts and I hope I'm there to pass along the seconds.

FH

MTA: An Adventure on Every Ride Part II

Here is today's adventure on the #6 train. Due to a police investigation at 59th Street and Lexington Avenue the #6 train was stuck in between 68th Street and 59th Street. The conductor announces that for those that want to exit the train at 59th Street they should walk towards the front of the train where they would TRY (Notice the capitalization, bolding and italicization of the word) to get the front of the train into the station so they can open one door to let everyone off. Ah the good intentions of the conductor and train operator to facilitate out ride. But we all know which path is lined with good intentions. Right? I'll try to refrain from the sarcasm as I continue with my tale.

For all my train riding, this was truly a new experience. As I walked the length of the train through the conductor's inner sanctum into the front of the train, I had the feeling that I was a lamb being led to its slaughter. Ah public transportation. Nights like these make me want to reconsider my decision to not have a car.

As we sit and wait for the train to inch closer to our percieved freedom, the conductor announces that the police investigation is almost over and that the train will soon be moving. Happy Happy Joy Joy. In the end, after we all make the trek through the train to the front, it pulled into the station as it would usually do and continued on its way Downtown. No apologies, no reason, Nada, Bupkis. By the way, thanks for nothing MTA. Oh, by the way, I still have to get off at 14th Union Square since construction is making my get off at Bleecker Street an impossibility.

After the train stopped again at 23rd Street I decided to get off and take a cab. What can go wrong. LOL.

Like I said last week: MTA An Adventure on Every Ride.

FH

The MTA: An Adventure on Every Ride

I swear the MTA's slogan should be "The MTA: An Adventure on Every Ride" It seemed like deja-vu with my ride down to work this evening. In a trip similar to the one Myron and I took a few weeks ago, I had a similar odyssey in the opposite direction.

My ride started out standing on the 6 train that was full of the loud beach-goers from Orchard Beach. Thankfully I have only two or three more weeks of dealing with that until the beach closes and the trains on the weekends in my neck of the woods gets quiet. But I digress.

As the train goes express from Parkchester to Hunts Point Avenue (due to ongoing construction) the ride is swift and smooth. Lo and behold it was not to remain that way. Upon arriving at Hunts Point Avenue, the conductor announces that "We are being held at the station due to the dispatcher. Please be patient". I really must say that I hate to be told to be patient, especially if the train is stuck in between cars. As if I can go anywhere. Again, I digress.

I really don't want to be late to work so I get off the train and decide that I'll take the #2 train at the Simpson Street stop about 3 blocks away. Lady Luck seems to pity me a bit and has the Bx5 bus sitting there waiting for me. The Bx5 bus makes the four block or so walk from Bruckner Boulevard to Westchester Avenue go by in a snap. As I run up the long set of stairs I hope that there is #2 train service that is not being interrupted by construction. Yeah right.

In the way that Lady Luck look favorable on me, that fucker Murphy, whose law seemed to rule this particular part of my ride, screwed me over. A big sign in green letters said "No #2 trains" and the token booth clerk was letting people know that there were only #5 trains running and there were signal delays. Yeah yeah yeah, I knew that already. Down I go to make the next leg of my journey.

On the corner I waited for the same Bx19 that Myron and I took. As the bus arrived, I got on a bus that sounded like Bleecker Street Bar on a Friday night. It was loud and full, but unlike the #6 train I was able to get a seat opposite a woman with a young child in a stroller. Why do I mention the young woman and her child. Well, here goes.

The woman is texting on her phone and listening to her jams while the kid is going absolutely bonkers in the stroller. She's standing, jumping, twisting, leaning over the edge almost hitting her head on the floor (before I catch her) and the woman has no clue as to what is going on since she's engrossed in her phone and music. It finally took the kid taking her sandals off and throwing them halfway down the bus before the lady looked up and gave the kid a smack on the arm. It seemed like the kid has gotten a few of those before since she shrugged it off and kept twisting to an unheard version of Chubby Checker "Twist". LOL. Really folks, I wish I could make this up.

Finally, the bus crosssed the bridge from the Bronx into Harlem Heights where I get off on 145th Street and St. Nicholas Avenue to catch the Downtown D train. Why the D train? Well, the train leaves me at the Broadway-Lafayette Street Station which is a block away from the bar. My ride should be easy some part of the way, Right? The irony of where I stood hits me and causes me to chuckle. I am currently reading Ian Fleming's Live and Let Die, which is his second James Bond book. In this book his adversary is Mr. Big, the crime boss of Harlem who is an agent of SMERSH. Funny that I end up in somewhat the general vicinity of where I am reading. I really need to look into the nightclubs that Fleming describes in the story.

I go down the stairs of the station, swipe my card and help a young woman with a stroller down the stairs (a different one this time). As I'm waiting for the D and writing this post, I just shake my head. The electronic sign says in bright orange letters: All D train service will run local from 125th Street to 59th Street. In someone else's world the ride would be smooth and uneventful without any further interruptions. But I am not someone else and not surprisingly it doesn't end there.

As we approach 47-50th Streets-Rockerfeller Center Station, the conductor announces that the last stop on the D is 34th Street-Herald Square. So to continue my trip Downtown, I need to transfer to the N or R train which is upstairs or to the F which is across the platform. Since I'm tired of stairs, I decide to take the F and get off on the 42nd Street-Bryant Park Station to wait across the platform for (the hopefully arriving soon) F train. Being the train fanatic that my son is, he would truly get a kick with the amount of buses and trains that I have taken to get to work. So that gets a dry laugh out of me. At this point the ride is going on past two hours and counting.

As I wait for an F train that seems not to be coming, I start to second guess myself on not taking the D to 34th Street to change for the N or the R. But as a native Astorian I've had my fair share of delays on the N (For the Never Train) and the R (For the Rarely Train) to last my whole life, thank you very much. My gleaming chariot arrives in grand style into the station with nary an empty seat in sight. Surely I couldn't have expected to get a seat on every part of my ride, Right? LOL. Off I go towards the Broadway-Lafayette Street with 5 stops to go hoping nothing else happens to delay me even further.

The remaining ride is smooth and I go upstairs exiting the station on the corner of Crosby and Houston Streets. The time on my phone says 9:20pm. A forty-five minute trip done in two and a quarter hours.

Thank you MTA, my ride this evening was divine. Truly, it was an adventure on every ride.

FH

Myron and Sisco's MTA Adventure

Myron and I left the BSB Saturday night/Sunday morning on our adventure home. Myron has convinced me to take a cab with him to the Bronx. Reason for the cab is that I have to attend a BBQ with my family at my wife's boss' home in Bellerose Village later on in the day. Taking a cab would get me home faster. But there was a small problem, there were a bunch of people waiting for cabs, so we weren't able to catch one. We decided to take the train. And away we go.

The 6 is under construction at the Uptown Bleecker Street station. In order to go Uptown, a downtown train must be taken to Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall station. You cross to the Uptown platform and take the 6 back up express to Union Square and the rest of the stops to the Bronx. This has been happening for a few weekends now so it is not a surprise but here is where the inevitable monkey wrench comes in. As we're waiting, we hear an MTA employee telling the waiting passengers that there is no 6 train service. Apparently someone was hit by the train and they had no clue when service would resume. Myron and I decided to take the 2 on 7th Avenue. The problem with that was the 2 train is under construction from 96th Street on and the only way into the Bronx from there was via shuttle bus service. We were briefly sidetracked by this man rolling on the ground on East Houston Street trying to remove something off of his body. Whether he had something on him or not was unknown but it was sure intersting to see. But back to the business at hand

Off we walked down West Houston Street towards 7th Avenue. Even as we walked we noticed that there were a lot of people trying in vain to catch taxis. So we resigned ourselves to our fate on the train. After a quick stop at a deli for water we arrive at the 1 train station at Houston and Varick Streets to hear the rumble of an arriving train. Running down the stairs go Myron and I catching the Uptown 1 train in the nick of time. As we're riding Uptown, we notice that someone had left their phone behind. It was a Motorola from like 2000 with the big antenna coming out from the top corner. Definitely old school tech. In a pure stroke of genius Myron comes up with an alternate plan.

His plan called for us to take the 1 train Uptown to 145th Street where we could catch the Bx19 bus into the Bronx. The bus would leave him off on 149th Street near where he lives and I could take the bus to Hunts Point Avenue and Southern Boulevard where I can catch the Bx5 bus to my neck of the woods. Luckily for us there was a 12 minute wait for the bus and a shish kebob stand on the corner of Broadway and 145th Street. I highly recommend the kebobs from this gentleman. On Point!

The bus arrives at 5:38am and off it goes down 145th into the Bronx and down 149th Street. I feel that I have a chance to catch the 6:03am Bx5 but I could only ask for so much luck. I arrived here at 6:05am having just missed my bus. Alas, I would have to catch the next Bx5 bus which is due to arrive at 6:33am. And at 6:33am here came the Bx5 and off I continued with my best Odysseyus impersonation. Luckily for me, the Bx5 only takes about 12 minutes from Hunts Point to the corner of White Plains Road and Lafayette Avenue. After an uneventful walk I arrive home. I notice that my ride home took over two and a half hours to accomplish. I left the bar at 4:27am and I walked in my door at 6:56am and all I could do was wonder about a particular question that popped into my head.

The question that I asked myself was this: How the fuck do tourists manuever through this city when shit like this happens. Myron and I are native New Yorkers who know our way around town. But I see these tourists walking around during the day with their thumbs up their ass imagine them at night after a few drinks in a bar. God Bless them. After all we went through I'm glad to say this: Home Sweet Home.

FH

Ladies, Your Chariot Awaits

The Bx 5 approached the bus stop at White Plains Road and Lafayette Street this evening. The stop was full of older ladies and the driver lowers the front of the bus to help the ladies get on the bus. As I wait with them to get on, it seems as if they think the bus is lowered to let off a handicapped passenger so they just stand there. No one gets off and no one gets on.

I hear the driver say to the ladies: "Haven't you ladies ever seen a good looking older gentleman before. Your chariot awaits". He punctuates the line with a hearty laugh as the ladies get on the bus giggling like schoolgirls. Most NYC city bus drivers can learn a lesson in personality and friendliness from this gentleman. Bravo!!!!

FH