Breaking Up In a Digital Fishbowl

I meant to put a post on this subject a few weeks ago but it kind of got lost in the sauce. But I came across it again, so here goes. A few weeks ago I was flipping through the Thursday New York Times and saw this article in the Thursday Styles section called Breaking Up In a Digital Fishbowl. As I read this, all I could do is shake my head at some of the things that were described.

First off, how people who want to prove their devotion and trust to their partner share the intimate details of their email, bank and other passwords. Really now. Give me a break. I have a joint bank account with my wife that we use for house expenses. the account is linked to both of our personal accounts. But when I log on to the bank website, I can only access the house and my personal account. The same with my wife. She has her's and I have mine. The mistake people make is that sure you can trust your partner now, but after a breakup, please change the passwords. There's no point of having an "ex" access your personal information. Ever.

Second, maybe I'm too old to care but the article talks about the digital trail about the backup online. How sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace can announce the breakup to friends and let the ex know of any new developments in the life of their former partner. Again, really now. So your ex has a new man. So what. Get over it. Go find a new chick and move on with life. People will always (well almost always) move on with life. Come on now, are we in High School? Please.

Third, folks using a service such as Loopt to keep track of your ex-partner through their phone service borders on the psychotic. The website Crunchbase.com described the Loopt service as so:

Loopt is a mobile social mapping application. Using cell phones and mobile devices, it displays the locations of a user’s friends along with their presence status (available, away, etc) visually on maps or on lists. Based on GPS and related data, users can request alerts when friends are within a certain distance, send messages to groups of friends in particular area, and be able to tag and blog physical locations in a way that’s accessible to friends through Loopt.

I mean sure, the program sounds innocent enough when used for its intended purpose but man I have to say, but this is some crazy technology. Give this kind of information of the wrong person and...So what do you do.

The article quotes an attorney who gives the following advice:

he advises divorcing clients to change their passwords, stop posting on social networking sites, acquire a new e-mail address, and secure or make copies of whatever is posted about them online. Users, of course, control what they post on private accounts. Where it gets tricky, though, is when photos, videos and comments have been forwarded, retweeted or reposted to friends’ accounts or on public Web sites.


Ok, easier said than done. For those of us who maintain sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace our activity on these sites has become something of a daily ritual. We can't imagine our day without accessing our friends comments and status updates. So cutting off is easier said than done. We hope that those who we spend time with in a relationship now, is the person who we believe to be mature can be so when we are no longer involved with them.

For those couples who chose to share all your information with your partner. Just stop. Privacy doesn't mean cheating. Just because you keep your phone password to yourself doesn't mean you're hiding phone numbers and steamy texts. It just means that you have your personal space and he/she has their own personal space. If they can't understand that, then maybe they should just hit the bricks.

Whatcha think. Let me know.
FH