Bad Smelling Booty

As a bartender sometimes you're an unwilling eavesdropper to conversations between patrons. Here's an example of one such conversation.

Two dudes are sitting at the bar. Dude 1 is telling Dude 2 about this chick he happened to know and hooked up with. Dude 2 congratulates his buddy while Dude 1 cringes. Dude 2 notices and the following exchange goes down (with some paraphrasing):

Dude 2: Yo, what's with the cringing.

Dude 1: Remember that chick I told you about who I messed around with in my office

Dude 2: The Blonde? Yeah, what happened

Dude 1: Well last night we randomly met up at a bar near our job. After a few drinks we made our way back to my office.

Dude 2: Yeah?

Dude 1: Yeah (with a tone of disappoinment)

Dude 2: So what happened.

Dude 1: We messed around for a bit. She went down on me and that was cool.

Dude 2: Yeah? And?

Dude 1 hesitates for a second or two before cracking a hesitant smile.

Dude 2: Yo, you hit that?

Dude 1: Nah bro, this is what happened. She dropped her skirt and thong. Very sexy of her. She was somewhat of a jungle down there and to be honest, that doesn't bother me in the least.

Dude 2 Shakes his head in disagreement. Dude 1 continues.

Dude 1: So I go and try to return the favor and go down on her and she kinda smells...

Dude 2: Like what bro

Dude 1: Like what a street meat guy would smell like after spending a whole day cutting and cooking onions and garlic.

Even I had to stop and do a double take at his last comment. Now, if anyone seriously knows me, I have an issue with bad B.O. In this day and age it really shouldn't happen. There is way too much bargain priced deodorant available. But I digress.

Dude 2: Dude!!!!! She smelled like those old dudes we used to work with in the factory back in the days?

Dude 1: Exactly!!!

It brought back memories of my dad telling me about the old Europeans who worked in the silk and carpet factory. As he would say: Eso viejos tenian un grajo terrible (those old guys had terrible B.O.).

Dude 1 actually looked like he was going to hurl right there on the bar. I give him a glass of water which helps him with his gag reflex. After a minute he was able to continue.

Dude 1: I mean, she had been working all day and most of the night so I guess she wasn't exactly fresh down there but damn. What a turn off. That was some bad, bad smelling booty.

All Dude 2 could do was nod in agreement while pointing to me to refill their empty shot glasses. Dude 1 actually looked like he was going to hurl right there on the bar. I give him a glass of water which helps him with his gag reflex. After a minute he was able to continue.

It reminds me of the time a good friend told me about going down on this girl back in High School and she smelled so bad that he smelled like Pastrami and that he couldn't bring himself to eat pastrami since.

As amusing as it can be, sometimes its best not to hear what people are talking about.

FH