Sunday, April 1, 2012

What Does Full Mean

There are times when the small patch of paradise known as the Bleecker Street bar gets so packed that a fart has a hard time coming up for air. Last night was one of those nights. After the snoozefest known as the NCAA Final Four ended, we got super slammed. 

Since I was at the door and not behind the bar, I can't say if the $$$ reflected that it was slammed, but in terms of bodies the front of the bar was jammed. Now, here's the thing about the bar. I would describe it in three basic parts. One is the front of the bar, the dart area and the pool room. While a bottleneck does tend to occur at times at the area between the front room and the dart area, the real logjam usually happens in the front of the bar near the door. That's exactly how it was tonight. People just congregated at the front door giving the illusion to those passing by that we were indeed super full though the dart area and the pool room were quite empty. 

Now being the responsible doorman/bouncer that I am (yes folks, no modesty here), I took it upon myself (as Head of Security I can do that) to close the door. Packing the front like a jumbo sized can of sardines by continuing to let people in is definitely negligence. At some point making money has to take a backseat to public safety. People who are drinking can't see that past the Jägerbomb they are consuming to realize that. It takes a party-pooper like me to deal with it. So I just stood in front of the door and didn't let anyone in. Most people either decided to go somewhere else, wait patiently or annoy the living hell out of me. 

Those who chose to annoy me could go jump of a cliff. Jackwipes. Its amazing how the feeling of entitlement some people have really cloud their views of reality. If I tell you that I am currently over capacity and that letting anyone else in would be a fire hazard and irresponsible why does that give you license to say its ok for me to let you in since friends of yours are inside. To continue to plead your case and having your friend come out and help you plead your case since you were Pre-Law for one semester in your sophomore year in college. 

Here's another one, four girls are outside and start counting the people who leave. Surprising that some of these chicks could count past four, what makes them think that I am waiting for exactly four people to leave just to immediately let them in. That defeats the purpose of regulating the door. No?

One of my "favorites" (well, not really) is the question: well how long will it take. Um, sorry to be crass, do you ask the person sitting on the bowl that you want to occupy how long are they going to take to take a crap? It comes out when it comes out. The same applies to crowds in bars. Some people leave as little individual turds and some leave as long groups stuck together. Get my drift? Apparently those on line didn't. There is no timeframe. People leave when they are ready. Ok, here's the line of the night. 

So I tell a group of young ladies that I can't let them in because the bar is full. One of them says to her friend: What does "full" mean. Does anyone pay attention in school anymore? Shit, my kids could tell me what full meant when they were kindergarten. Here's how I defined the word from the Sisco Dictionary of Bouncers for Morons: 

Full means that you'll have wait out here until I say you can come in. The safety of many is worth more than you wanting to come in and have a drink with your friends. The bar is full and the door is closed.


Well, after a few eye rolls in my direction, the chicks had no choice to wait. Sometimes I wish I had a velvet rope and a yardstick while at the front door. What a bunch of self entitled morons some of the future generation are. 

Like my recently passed friend Dan Corvino would say: OH MARRÓN. Yes Dan, you'd have shook your head in disbelief and laughed tremendously at that chick for that one while admiring her bone structure. You'd have had to know Dan Corvino to get that reference.  

Well folks, that marks the end to another Saturday night in the big city. Night night.

FH

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